Shhhhhhh!

Late Sunday night, after a fun, somewhat exhausting weekend full of TV series-viewing, dancing, alcohol and banter, I felt the desperate need to be surrounded by utter silence--pure and undisturbed. Suddenly, the music being played at Marix became unbearably loud and obnoxious, the swirl of smoke from my cigarette became suffocating, and the half naked blonde shimming on the dance floor, flinging her  gold locks at all the drooling men seemed so pretentious and was making me sick! I could feel my eyes droop and the corners of my mouth felt heavy. When one of the bartenders asked me if I was alright for the third time, I knew it was time to go.  I managed a weak smile and shook my head. Nah, I wasn't alright. My favorite shot bar, my all-time-favorite-Marix was making my head spin! I crossed my fingers, indicating I wanted my check, and after putting down the money, a nod towards the other regulars, I stepped out into the night. I needed to find that quiet place.


 But NOT without a drink!


I dodge a few catchers that have been trying to get my attention since moving here with their 'Hellos' and 'How are yous' in broken English and bought a drink at a conbini. After popping it open I decided to just walk and figure out my destination along the way. I began swimming in my thoughts.


Every now and then, (like once every two or three months?) I go through the what's it all for?  stage. Questions like the above and other questions like,  'What's the point of making all this money? Why do I need to try so hard to make those fuckers happy when they  don't even care about me? Why do those girls look like they just stepped out of a magazine in this summer heat? Why doesn't the hair on that guy budge with all this strong wind?' bombard me and leave my mind with more questions instead of answers. As I walked on through the night life of Koiwa, past izakayas and bars and more izakayas, slowly sipping at my drink, I realize that I'm going through one of those 'stages' and this realization makes me cross. I hate unanswered questions revisiting me. Suddenly, the drink in my hand and its effects seem so shallow and far too temporary. I made a face at a random mosquito and marched on.


Losing track of time and my sense of direction too, I realize that I walked past my apartment and that I was nearing a park a block down. It's tiny with a strange slide like thingie in the middle, a set of swings and some benches on the side. There are few lights, and surprisingly, there was zero noise. I'd found my undisturbed silence.


 I settle on the swings, and I close my eyes, and I sip my drink. It really was silent, and the silence was beautiful. Even my racing thoughts shut up for a while, and I remember feeling the peace and stillness heal my troubled mind. I just needed to get away from it all, step back and be alone. I stay like this for countless minutes and I feel great! But at around 3:00AM, it was time to go back home.


I peek my left I open and my eye instantly catches a curled up business man on the bench right next to me! His shoes are neatly lined up next to the bench, along with his bag. His back is towards me, and it's obvious he's dead out! Subconsciously I make my 'ew' face! Somehow, I felt like the knowledge of this man's presence ruined my silent reverie, but I was thankful I found out about him after I got renewed. I tip-toed past him and went home.


My sister's air con is SO LOUD!