seriously...

I'm at a cozy Starbucks, enjoying my lunch break with a cup of hot coffee, Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason, and a bit of blogging on the side.


It's a perfect December day: the piercing cold, heavy clouds, gray sky, and Christmas decorations and music everywhere! To be honest, I hate the cold. My body doesn't seem to know how to cope with crazy-low temperatures and has the tendency to shut down a bit during the winter. I've been trying to figure all this out for the many years I have had to suffer through the cold seasons, and I think I've finally figured out what's going on! My body is trying to go into hibernation, just like any other sensible mamel should! But since it's December, one of the bussiest months of the year, hibernation isn't anywhere close to being even an option to cope with cold. So I don't hibernate and struggle on. My body freaks out because it's not hibernating! My body starts shutting down certain functions as a result, and I start feeling and looking awful! I'm brilliant!!


Every year when winter rolls around, my neck and shoulders cramp up, my back starts hurting, my toes change from healthy pink to a dangerous grey-purple, my usually lucious lips crack and consequently are a bloody mess, the time that it takes to tumble out of bed is anywhere from 30 minutes to 2 hours, and if you were to only look at my hands, you would think that they belonged to someone 30 years older! But despite all these symptoms of badness, if it weren't cold during December, something wouldn't seem right. To me, winter time is what it is because getting up in the morning and crawling out of bed is so difficult. Because I can see my breath. Because I get to wear my favorite winter boots. Because I have to sleep under layers of blankets to keep warm. Because when I come back from the bathroom around midnight, my bed is no longer warm, and finding sleep after that takes forever. Without these things, winter wouldn't be winter! It would be something entirely else, and I don't think I'll like it very much.


Speaking of winter, it's almost Christmas. Christmas is all about family, love and  the food!! Speaking of the food, I can't believe I'll be cooking Christmas dinner this year after I repeatedly let the family know that Boris and I would take little to no part in cooking for everybody this year! We were so determined not to, you should have heard us!


Over the phone with Boris:


Boris: Eiko, let's not cook Christmas dinner this year.


Me: Yeah, forget it! I'm not gunna be anywhere near that kitchen! Ugh! HATE my hair and clothes smelling like fried chicken! (HUGE pet-peeve) Hate my fingers smelling like garlic days after! Hate my finger nails being fucked up by my sloppy knife skills!


Boris: Let's just relax and let everybody else fuss and take care of stuff we do every year! I mean, I'll have work at Ikegami that day! I don't want to come back and cook dinner! I just want to spend time with you and relax! (Awww!) It's their turn anyway.


Me: Totally. I can't enjoy anything laid out on the table after slaving away in the kitchen, cutting, tasting, preparing, marinating and cooking all of it! I smell and look bad after a day in the kitchen, and I feel full. Can't even enjoy drinking when I'm like that! Dangerous sign! No ways, man! I'm not gunna cook! But who's gunna cook if we aren't?


Boris: Eiko, don't worry about that! If we won't, somebody will HAVE to! We're a smart family AND we're a big family. Somebody will figure something out eventually. I'd rather a whatever dinner, or even ordering pizza or eating out than cooking! Seriouslly, Eiko. This year, we're gunna be the ones enjoying the dinner while everybody else runs around fixing things up. I'm NOT.GOING.TO.COOK!!


Me: True. Why has it always been us anyway when there are so many of us?


Boris: I know, right? So many able-bodied Matsuokas! There's Yoko, there's Tom, there's the sisters-in-law minus, I guess, the pregnant one, there's Mom (Boris was very desperate), and there's well, ...Dad! (Desperate!) And Ai-chan and Akari-chan will whip up the deserts! Voilla!! Christmas dinner is served! Oh, and there's Yasu and Yuya! Oh, and there's Sam! Wow!


Me: OK, Boris, let's do this! We're going to retire! (for this year, anyway)


Boris: This is so awesome! We need to let the family know we've retired!


Me: OK! Let's post this on FB!


Boris: Seriously!


Me: I know, seriously!


Boris: OK, good.




And after all that and then some, where we are, planning and fussing over Christmas dinner. I'm going to need a box or two of fags!

golden silence

I hurriedly stomped my way through the painful cold to the station to catch my train home. It had been a long day of teaching and all I could think of was hot food, and relaxing in my warm room with David Cook's sexy voice in the back ground, helping me erase all thoughts of work, negativity and annoyances from my mind.

My work is by no means difficult or physically taxing. I enjoy teaching, and my working environment is generally relaxed and casual. My students are very nice, and the colleagues are too, usually. But somehow, I find myself feeling quite drained by the end of each week. Perhaps it's the constant interaction with people that my job requires of me. It could also be the 'teacher-face' that I have to keep up all day that gets to be so exhausting. (You know, when you have to keep smiling, agreeing, nodding, being polite, being gentle, laughing, commenting, instructing, complimenting, when that's the exact opposite of what you really feel at the moment.) But whatever it is, I just want to be alone when I'm not working. I don't want to have to open my mouth unless I want to. I don't want to be polite unless I feel like it. I don't want to have any thoughts of keeping up a conversation unless I want to be conversing in the first place. I don't want to have to be thinking of what the right thing to say might be. I want to be silent. I want to be alone. I want to be with company that understands this, and that can even appreciate a healthy silent streak.

I love chatting and sharing thoughts and opinions with people. I love getting to know people better and of course, I want to be closer to my friends. But there's a time for everything, and after I come back from work is just not the time for it.

I'm counting the days till my winter vacation. I want to be with my family!!

no effin' ways

My boss and I were waiting at a cross way for the lights to change, when the conversation that changed my whole attitude towards the Holiday season happened!

He began out of the blue, "You know, I attended 17 'bounenkais' last year?"

Out loud, I replied with a, "Wow, impressive!"

In my mind,
Wow, Sir! I used to wonder where you got that fine beer belly of yours, but not anymore!

Our conversation consisted of the Holiday season, year end parties, and about some of our mutual students, but what he had said about his bounenkais really got me thinking. I had initially found the connection between his beer belly and the 17 bounekais funny, but after giving it more thought, I remembered that I had 5 year-end parties already marked in my schedule book, and being that it's not even December, I wouldn't be surprised if more were on the horizon! Somehow, the connection between my belly and those year end parties weren't as humorous. In fact, the thought depressed me.

Year-end parties are unavoidable. And even if I could avoid them, I wouldn't want to! For me, they are what make the holiday season quite exciting! The drinks and food are usually free for me as the English Instructor, so obviously that's an attractive, great factor. I also enjoy hanging out with my students/colleagues outside of the classroom/office setting, Everybody is generally more relaxed and 'themselves'. And it's no secret that I genuinely enjoy drinking! Unfortunately, the reality is that these bounekais are exactly what they are because of all the drinking, eating, late-nights, second-hand-smoke (or in my case, first-hand smoke) and the rest of the unhealthy package! In Japan, December is just as much 'bounenkai-time' as it is 'Christmas-time'. Put them both together (oh, and don't forget New Years and vacation) and you've got the perfect recipe for 'get-super-fat'! It really is depressing!

For me, skipping a bounenkai to keep my waist line in check is not an option. But neither is not fitting into my favorite winter outfits, or purging. I felt quite hopeless after mulling this all over in my mind, but I did come to a conclusion and a definite decision. I simply would NOT allow myself to gain weight with the rest of the nation! Ugh! No ways!! The big, unanswered questions is 'how?' How I'm going to manage maintaining a healthy weight during the weeks of partying and celebrating is still a little bit hazy. But I am DETERMINED!

Below are some steps I'm taking right now to avoid the year end weight gain.

*I ONLY drink on the weekends, or at parties.
*I drink loads of water everyday to flush out the crap I've fed my body at the last party.
*I work out frequently and passionately.
*I balance out my enormous calorie intake throughout the following week of the party.
*I make a conscious effort to keep track of my daily calorie intake, and what these calories consist of.

Yep.

And seriously, Sir? seven-effing-bounenkais? Seriously?

very happy

Eiko says...

Let's add 'a free pass for either Disney Sea or Land' to the list of 'perks', shall we not? Damn, my students love me! And the love is mutual, of course. Can't help loving someone that doesn't know when to stop treating you.

Naturally, I was in a very festive mood after receiving the gift from one of my students, so I headed off to Zara to compliment the moment with a bit of shopping for my winter wardrobe! I bought a black coat that I had my eyes on ever since it first graced one of the Zara mannequins a month ago, and a simple red shirt that has a wonderful winter touch to it. I'm all set and ready for the weekend!

Oh, and I've been such a good girl!! I haven't touched alcohol since last Sunday!! I successfully turned down two drinking invitations and I've only got just under 20 more hours to go till I get to celebrate my strong will power with my first drink in 6 days! Damn, I feel good!

I've been struggling a bit to keep alcohol only to the weekends and holidays for the past few weeks and this got me worrying. It also got motivated to make a very determined commitment last Sunday to not touch alcohol until Friday evening. Thursday is fast coming to an end, and although I was worried I would give in, here I am, just hours away from my goal! So, unless I decide to sneak in a drink in on one of my breaks between lessons, (or now...) I've basically reached my goal!

This is awesome!

last last friday night...

While waiting at a smoking area for my colleague for some after-work-otsukare-drinks at the HUB, a cigarette in one hand and my mobile in the other, I noticed a man scooting his way closer to me through the other smokers from the opposite side of the smoking area.

"Oneeesan..."

Now? Seriously? I thought as I pulled my mobile closer to my face and turned away from him. I took a long puff on my cigarette. Let's give him the silent treatment.

"Oneeesan..."

Silent treatment. A puff.

"Oneeesan,...Oneeesan,..."

By the forth 'Oneesan', I was pretty creeped out. I mean, how many times does a dude need to say 'Oneesan' till he thinks he has been heard? I turned his way and gave him my, 'do you belong somewhere else--a mental institute to be exact?' look. I think he took it the wrong way.

'ちょっと魅力的な顔だなと思ってさ。。。’

Ew!! I turned away, rolling my eyes. He was ugly AND old! And seriously? 'ちょっと魅力的’???　How 'bout ’今までも見たことの無いような’ or something better if you're trying to pick up a girl that is obviously 30 years (or more) younger than you!!! Back to my cigarette. Back to silent mode.

'オレとさ、お食事しましょう。ネ？お食事。お食事どうですか？’

I was like, 'SUPER not interested!' I'm meeting up with my (imaginary) boy friend,　and he's here any second, so you can F off now. Take a hint or talk to my cold shoulder, huh?' (in jp of course)

’彼氏？ウソだろ。いないだろ？一晩だけ。お食事だけですよ。このわたしじゃダメ？これじゃダメですか？’

I was like, 'Lemme think,...yeah, nope. Go away. Now.'

'笑い。良いじゃないですか！ダメですか？彼氏は一晩おいてオレとさ。。。ダメですか？’

At this point I started walking towards the other smokers, having had far more than enough of all his 'damedesukas' and his nudges and super creepy yellow-teeth-smile.

'ハハ！ダメですか？お食事まだでしょ？まだ早いからね。いいところ知ってるんですよ、この近くにっかなりの居酒屋があってさ。彼氏とのデートは他の日にしてさ、オレと。。。’

Wow! All of this talk directed at my back!! He really did belong in a mental hospital, didn't he? Where's my colleague? Why me? Can't he pick on that girl over there? I need a beeeer!!

While these thoughts and thoughts like these raced through my mind, I could hear him continue on his pathetic pick-up lines in the distance. My thoughts were loud, but not loud enough to drown out his sleazy words. I had had enough.

'Shut up, yeah? You're ruining my Friday night and I haven't even had my first beer!!'

'ハハ！ハハ！本当にダメですか？このオレじゃダメ？

At this point I do recall growling out of sheer annoyance at this dude that couldn't take a hint of any kind! That, I mean the growling, seemed to do the trick, thank god!

And with a reluctant , 'ジャ。。。また今度会いましょう！’, he started walking off towards the station.

What the hell is 'let's meet again' suppose to mean?! I was starting to get quite annoyed at my colleague who was running 5 minutes late to meet up with me for drinks. What was taking him so long? Ugh! I settled into a vacant corner in the smoking are, pulled out my 5th cig, and began lighting it when whadyaknow! Another equally old, ugly man started shimming his way towards me! It was NOT my night.

'Oneeesan...chottosa....' he began, and I wasn't going to let him finish his sentence.

'Oh, Fuck NO!! Super big FUCK NO, all capitalized! '

'オレとさ、お食事。。。’

I think I was just about to explode. I was very, VERY thirsty, my colleague was late, I had just finished my longest teaching day of the week, and I was in dire need to be left alone by perverts! I think he saw all that being translated into lava building up behind my irises, about to explode in his face and he only continued his pathetic pick-up lines for a few more seconds!

'ハハじゃ、また今度。。。’and with that he started walking away. What's with these dudes and their, 'see you next times'??? Idiots.

When my colleague finally showed up, I let him have it! Was annoyed, thirsty, tired and pissed. I drank quite a bit that night, tell ya that much.

perks

Eiko says...

There are so many things I dislike about English teaching, but it definitely has its perks.

Just today, one of my students excitedly presented me with a large paper bag after we exchanged our traditional 'how are yous?' and the 'and yous?'
"I thought you'd like it. I hope you do, anyway." she said as she watched as I peered inside the bag. Like it? I LOVED it!

I don't know how it's like with other English teacher's and how their relationships with their students are like, but my students seem to be obsessed with giving me gifts of all kinds whenever they have the opportunity. Not that I mind, really. There couldn't be a healthier obsession than to get your 'Eiko-sensei' a souvenir from your trip to Europe, or your short vacation to Okinawa, or some jewelery from your weekend in Ginza, or that coffee on your way to class.

By the way, what I found in the paper bag was a beautiful, pricey-looking leather coat! Apparently she thought the flats I was wearing last week while teaching her would go very well with the leather coat, and therefore decided that the coat just had to be mine! I think the coat actually goes better with my boots, but that's such a minor detail! The flats did it for her, and I've got a new coat!

I've also received from my students...

*home-made jewelery
*a diamond necklace
*home made Umeshu
*cosmetics
*face-packs from Korea
*confectioneries from a 5 star hotel
*horseback riding tickets
*Valentine chocolate
*sweets from all over Japan and wherever they last visited
*a bottle of expensive rum
*and did I mention the leather jacket??
*AND they take you out for meals and drinks!! Their treat!

I've got awesome students! I really, really do!

Me and the awesome face pack from Korea, courtesy of one of my student's vacation

oughta

Eiko says...

-I need to cut back on...

*smoking
*drinking
*eating junk food
*shopping at conbinis
*shopping at Zara
*browsing Facebook
*daydreaming
*being depressed

-I need to put a greater emphasis on...

*planning upcoming lessons,
*working-out
*eating healthy
*cleaning after myself
*taking care of my complexion
*thinking pretty thoughts
*prioritizing
*keeping in contact with friends
*planning ahead

-I'm looking forward to...

*spending Christmas with my family
*spending Winter Vacation with Boris
*every new weekend
*my new full paycheck
*meeting Shane again (if it's ever gunna happen)
*my next winter shopping spree (whenever that's gunna be...)
*the next Desperate Housewives episode to come out

-I'm dreading...

*my destructive cycle
*being depressed
*not being payed
*being lonely
*gaining weight over winter vacation (inevitable)
*teaching a particular student
*the day after tomorrow