Tuesday, November 29, 2011

no effin' ways

My boss and I were waiting at a cross way for the lights to change, when the conversation that changed my whole attitude towards the Holiday season happened!

He began out of the blue, "You know, I attended 17 'bounenkais' last year?"

Out loud, I replied with a, "Wow, impressive!"

In my mind,
Wow, Sir! I used to wonder where you got that fine beer belly of yours, but not anymore!

Our conversation consisted of the Holiday season, year end parties, and about some of our mutual students, but what he had said about his bounenkais really got me thinking. I had initially found the connection between his beer belly and the 17 bounekais funny, but after giving it more thought, I remembered that I had 5 year-end parties already marked in my schedule book, and being that it's not even December, I wouldn't be surprised if more were on the horizon! Somehow, the connection between my belly and those year end parties weren't as humorous. In fact, the thought depressed me.

Year-end parties are unavoidable. And even if I could avoid them, I wouldn't want to! For me, they are what make the holiday season quite exciting! The drinks and food are usually free for me as the English Instructor, so obviously that's an attractive, great factor. I also enjoy hanging out with my students/colleagues outside of the classroom/office setting, Everybody is generally more relaxed and 'themselves'. And it's no secret that I genuinely enjoy drinking! Unfortunately, the reality is that these bounekais are exactly what they are because of all the drinking, eating, late-nights, second-hand-smoke (or in my case, first-hand smoke) and the rest of the unhealthy package! In Japan, December is just as much 'bounenkai-time' as it is 'Christmas-time'. Put them both together (oh, and don't forget New Years and vacation) and you've got the perfect recipe for 'get-super-fat'! It really is depressing!

For me, skipping a bounenkai to keep my waist line in check is not an option. But neither is not fitting into my favorite winter outfits, or purging. I felt quite hopeless after mulling this all over in my mind, but I did come to a conclusion and a definite decision. I simply would NOT allow myself to gain weight with the rest of the nation! Ugh! No ways!! The big, unanswered questions is 'how?' How I'm going to manage maintaining a healthy weight during the weeks of partying and celebrating is still a little bit hazy. But I am DETERMINED!

Below are some steps I'm taking right now to avoid the year end weight gain.

*I ONLY drink on the weekends, or at parties.
*I drink loads of water everyday to flush out the crap I've fed my body at the last party.
*I work out frequently and passionately.
*I balance out my enormous calorie intake throughout the following week of the party.
*I make a conscious effort to keep track of my daily calorie intake, and what these calories consist of.

Yep.

And seriously, Sir? seven-effing-bounenkais? Seriously?

Thursday, November 10, 2011

very happy

Eiko says...

Let's add 'a free pass for either Disney Sea or Land' to the list of 'perks', shall we not? Damn, my students love me! And the love is mutual, of course. Can't help loving someone that doesn't know when to stop treating you.

Naturally, I was in a very festive mood after receiving the gift from one of my students, so I headed off to Zara to compliment the moment with a bit of shopping for my winter wardrobe! I bought a black coat that I had my eyes on ever since it first graced one of the Zara mannequins a month ago, and a simple red shirt that has a wonderful winter touch to it. I'm all set and ready for the weekend!

Oh, and I've been such a good girl!! I haven't touched alcohol since last Sunday!! I successfully turned down two drinking invitations and I've only got just under 20 more hours to go till I get to celebrate my strong will power with my first drink in 6 days! Damn, I feel good!

I've been struggling a bit to keep alcohol only to the weekends and holidays for the past few weeks and this got me worrying. It also got motivated to make a very determined commitment last Sunday to not touch alcohol until Friday evening. Thursday is fast coming to an end, and although I was worried I would give in, here I am, just hours away from my goal! So, unless I decide to sneak in a drink in on one of my breaks between lessons, (or now...) I've basically reached my goal!

This is awesome!

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

last last friday night...

While waiting at a smoking area for my colleague for some after-work-otsukare-drinks at the HUB, a cigarette in one hand and my mobile in the other, I noticed a man scooting his way closer to me through the other smokers from the opposite side of the smoking area.

"Oneeesan..."

Now? Seriously? I thought as I pulled my mobile closer to my face and turned away from him. I took a long puff on my cigarette. Let's give him the silent treatment.

"Oneeesan..."

Silent treatment. A puff.

"Oneeesan,...Oneeesan,..."

By the forth 'Oneesan', I was pretty creeped out. I mean, how many times does a dude need to say 'Oneesan' till he thinks he has been heard? I turned his way and gave him my, 'do you belong somewhere else--a mental institute to be exact?' look. I think he took it the wrong way.

'ちょっと魅力的な顔だなと思ってさ。。。’

Ew!! I turned away, rolling my eyes. He was ugly AND old! And seriously? 'ちょっと魅力的’??? How 'bout ’今までも見たことの無いような’ or something better if you're trying to pick up a girl that is obviously 30 years (or more) younger than you!!! Back to my cigarette. Back to silent mode.

'オレとさ、お食事しましょう。ネ?お食事。お食事どうですか?’

I was like, 'SUPER not interested!' I'm meeting up with my (imaginary) boy friend, and he's here any second, so you can F off now. Take a hint or talk to my cold shoulder, huh?' (in jp of course)

’彼氏?ウソだろ。いないだろ?一晩だけ。お食事だけですよ。このわたしじゃダメ?これじゃダメですか?’

I was like, 'Lemme think,...yeah, nope. Go away. Now.'

'笑い。良いじゃないですか!ダメですか?彼氏は一晩おいてオレとさ。。。ダメですか?’

At this point I started walking towards the other smokers, having had far more than enough of all his 'damedesukas' and his nudges and super creepy yellow-teeth-smile.

'ハハ!ダメですか?お食事まだでしょ?まだ早いからね。いいところ知ってるんですよ、この近くにっかなりの居酒屋があってさ。彼氏とのデートは他の日にしてさ、オレと。。。’

Wow! All of this talk directed at my back!! He really did belong in a mental hospital, didn't he? Where's my colleague? Why me? Can't he pick on that girl over there? I need a beeeer!!

While these thoughts and thoughts like these raced through my mind, I could hear him continue on his pathetic pick-up lines in the distance. My thoughts were loud, but not loud enough to drown out his sleazy words. I had had enough.

'Shut up, yeah? You're ruining my Friday night and I haven't even had my first beer!!'

'ハハ!ハハ!本当にダメですか?このオレじゃダメ?

At this point I do recall growling out of sheer annoyance at this dude that couldn't take a hint of any kind! That, I mean the growling, seemed to do the trick, thank god!

And with a reluctant , 'ジャ。。。また今度会いましょう!’, he started walking off towards the station.

What the hell is 'let's meet again' suppose to mean?! I was starting to get quite annoyed at my colleague who was running 5 minutes late to meet up with me for drinks. What was taking him so long? Ugh! I settled into a vacant corner in the smoking are, pulled out my 5th cig, and began lighting it when whadyaknow! Another equally old, ugly man started shimming his way towards me! It was NOT my night.

'Oneeesan...chottosa....' he began, and I wasn't going to let him finish his sentence.

'Oh, Fuck NO!! Super big FUCK NO, all capitalized! '

'オレとさ、お食事。。。’

I think I was just about to explode. I was very, VERY thirsty, my colleague was late, I had just finished my longest teaching day of the week, and I was in dire need to be left alone by perverts! I think he saw all that being translated into lava building up behind my irises, about to explode in his face and he only continued his pathetic pick-up lines for a few more seconds!

'ハハじゃ、また今度。。。’and with that he started walking away. What's with these dudes and their, 'see you next times'??? Idiots.

When my colleague finally showed up, I let him have it! Was annoyed, thirsty, tired and pissed. I drank quite a bit that night, tell ya that much.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

perks

Eiko says...

There are so many things I dislike about English teaching, but it definitely has its perks.

Just today, one of my students excitedly presented me with a large paper bag after we exchanged our traditional 'how are yous?' and the 'and yous?'
"I thought you'd like it. I hope you do, anyway." she said as she watched as I peered inside the bag. Like it? I LOVED it!

I don't know how it's like with other English teacher's and how their relationships with their students are like, but my students seem to be obsessed with giving me gifts of all kinds whenever they have the opportunity. Not that I mind, really. There couldn't be a healthier obsession than to get your 'Eiko-sensei' a souvenir from your trip to Europe, or your short vacation to Okinawa, or some jewelery from your weekend in Ginza, or that coffee on your way to class.

By the way, what I found in the paper bag was a beautiful, pricey-looking leather coat! Apparently she thought the flats I was wearing last week while teaching her would go very well with the leather coat, and therefore decided that the coat just had to be mine! I think the coat actually goes better with my boots, but that's such a minor detail! The flats did it for her, and I've got a new coat!

I've also received from my students...

*home-made jewelery
*a diamond necklace
*home made Umeshu
*cosmetics
*face-packs from Korea
*confectioneries from a 5 star hotel
*horseback riding tickets
*Valentine chocolate
*sweets from all over Japan and wherever they last visited
*a bottle of expensive rum
*and did I mention the leather jacket??
*AND they take you out for meals and drinks!! Their treat!

I've got awesome students! I really, really do!

Me and the awesome face pack from Korea, courtesy of one of my student's vacation

oughta


Eiko says...

-I need to cut back on...

*smoking
*drinking
*eating junk food
*shopping at conbinis
*shopping at Zara
*browsing Facebook
*daydreaming
*being depressed

-I need to put a greater emphasis on...

*planning upcoming lessons,
*working-out
*eating healthy
*cleaning after myself
*taking care of my complexion
*thinking pretty thoughts
*prioritizing
*keeping in contact with friends
*planning ahead

-I'm looking forward to...

*spending Christmas with my family
*spending Winter Vacation with Boris
*every new weekend
*my new full paycheck
*meeting Shane again (if it's ever gunna happen)
*my next winter shopping spree (whenever that's gunna be...)
*the next Desperate Housewives episode to come out

-I'm dreading...

*my destructive cycle
*being depressed
*not being payed
*being lonely
*gaining weight over winter vacation (inevitable)
*teaching a particular student
*the day after tomorrow

Saturday, November 5, 2011

ganbaranaito


Eiko says...

My life follows two cycle, generally speaking. I have my self-destructive cycle and I call the other one the self-productive cycle.

When I'm in self-destructive mode, I drink, smoke and eat with the word 'destruction' behind all my actions, influencing everything. Everything I do tends to reflect that word during this time. I find packs of empty M.reds all over my room. A decent collection of empty bottles of wine accumulates on the corner table, and the garbage bin for cans fills up twice as quickly. I'm inconsistent with my work outs. I feel sluggish, lethargic, drowsy, sleepy, unmotivated, and moody.

When I'm in self-productive mode, I stay far away from alcohol, I eat clean, and my consumption rate for cigarettes drops to less than one pack a week. I work out at every opportunity, and I'm happier, cleaner, and fitter. I'm more alert, and I get more accomplished. I turn down drinking gatherings, and I sleep early. My skin clears up.

Right now, I'm struggling to climb out of my self-destructive cycle. I know that if I don't soon, my obsession for drinking and cigarettes will be too hard to break free from. It's not easy as it is already, and this particular self-destructive cycle has been going on for a bit longer than usual. It's taking it's toll on me, and the scary part about it all is that I'm getting comfortable in my bad habits. It's not good.

Friday, November 4, 2011

emo . penie


Eiko says...

It's relaxing right now. On the table is a glass of wine. Soothing music is playing in the background. There is a cigarette in my hand. I'm in comfortable clothes. I have a place I can call my own. I find thoughts racing through my mind...

It's almost been a year since I started working at my present work place and looking back, I can see that I'm a completely different person now on so many levels. So many things happened. So many things have changed. I've been through so many new experiences. I've experienced so many highs and so many lows. Each decision I've made through the multiple experiences I've been through this year has changed and defined me, and yet I still find myself wondering who I really am and what I want to be a year from now and farther.

I find myself thinking if I've ever been through 'enough' pain and hurt. When have I been through enough pain and heartbreak? Is there even an enough point? If there isn't, is there a way to deal with the pain that life tends to throw at you at random?

I know I'm young. I know I've got years ahead of me and that I don't need to live up to the expectations of those around me. But having tasted hell and having met its servants, and knowing that life has only started for me , the possibility that what I've been through is just the beginning is one heck of a disturbing thought. I want to call stops to the sands of time. I feel like I deserve better and at the same time, like I deserve nothing beautiful, nothing good....just nothing.

When will it be enough?

How effing EMO was that?

Disgusted beyond words, I'll tell you a very amusing story of mine, from a few weeks back.

Amusing yet Disturbing Story:

I was on my way to work, one crispy morning when I saw the most disturbing thing EVER!
Across from me and slighty to my right,-- when I was glancing around like I usually do to check my surroundings,--I saw a 30(ish), constipated, not-so-very-good-looking man of average height on the opposite side of the train in baggy knee-high shorts and a T. Whatever. His appearance is so unimportant compared to what I saw, due to Mr. Constipated not wearing any undergarments!!

From where I was sitting, I could clearly see his semi-hard 'private bits' peaking through one side of his baggy shorts! I could get into details...purple and pink, bigger than average, semi hard...EW !! Ok, I'm grossing myself out! I'll stop there.

I was so disturbed I wanted to take my eye balls out of my eye sockets and disinfect them with the strongest bleach known to man!! So sicked out, I quickly turned my head and gagged.

Now, after one sees something so outrageous, they often, despite not wanting to see it again, tend to glance back to check if they actually saw what they saw. They want to see if it wasn't their sick imagination playing tricks on them, if it's still there or not. I was no exception. I kept finding myself gingerly and subconsciously glancing back to Mr. Constipated's direction, and each time being confirmed that it really wasn't just my sick imagination. That it was actually there, staring me and everyone else in the face! Turn my head. Gaaaaggg! Puke!

Mr. Constipated, I don't know if you use the Toneri Liner on a regular basis, or if you always look that constipated. In fact, I don't know anything about you and don't care to either. But PLEASE wear boxers, or boxer briefs, or Ts, or SOMETHING, ...ANYTHING, just in case I happen to bump into you again!

And although I'd love to finish this post, the degree of intoxication is too high to write anything coherent.

Will try to be more faithful with blogging, my dear blog-followers.

Cheers and enjoy the effng weekend!

.