emo . penie

Eiko says...

It's relaxing right now. On the table is a glass of wine. Soothing music is playing in the background. There is a cigarette in my hand. I'm in comfortable clothes. I have a place I can call my own. I find thoughts racing through my mind...

It's almost been a year since I started working at my present work place and looking back, I can see that I'm a completely different person now on so many levels. So many things happened. So many things have changed. I've been through so many new experiences. I've experienced so many highs and so many lows. Each decision I've made through the multiple experiences I've been through this year has changed and defined me, and yet I still find myself wondering who I really am and what I want to be a year from now and farther.

I find myself thinking if I've ever been through 'enough' pain and hurt. When have I been through enough pain and heartbreak? Is there even an enough point? If there isn't, is there a way to deal with the pain that life tends to throw at you at random?

I know I'm young. I know I've got years ahead of me and that I don't need to live up to the expectations of those around me. But having tasted hell and having met its servants, and knowing that life has only started for me , the possibility that what I've been through is just the beginning is one heck of a disturbing thought. I want to call stops to the sands of time. I feel like I deserve better and at the same time, like I deserve nothing beautiful, nothing good....just nothing.

When will it be enough?

How effing EMO was that?

Disgusted beyond words, I'll tell you a very amusing story of mine, from a few weeks back.

Amusing yet Disturbing Story:

I was on my way to work, one crispy morning when I saw the most disturbing thing EVER!
Across from me and slighty to my right,-- when I was glancing around like I usually do to check my surroundings,--I saw a 30(ish), constipated, not-so-very-good-looking man of average height on the opposite side of the train in baggy knee-high shorts and a T. Whatever. His appearance is so unimportant compared to what I saw, due to Mr. Constipated not wearing any undergarments!!

From where I was sitting, I could clearly see his semi-hard 'private bits' peaking through one side of his baggy shorts! I could get into details...purple and pink, bigger than average, semi hard...EW !! Ok, I'm grossing myself out! I'll stop there.

I was so disturbed I wanted to take my eye balls out of my eye sockets and disinfect them with the strongest bleach known to man!! So sicked out, I quickly turned my head and gagged.

Now, after one sees something so outrageous, they often, despite not wanting to see it again, tend to glance back to check if they actually saw what they saw. They want to see if it wasn't their sick imagination playing tricks on them, if it's still there or not. I was no exception. I kept finding myself gingerly and subconsciously glancing back to Mr. Constipated's direction, and each time being confirmed that it really wasn't just my sick imagination. That it was actually there, staring me and everyone else in the face! Turn my head. Gaaaaggg! Puke!

Mr. Constipated, I don't know if you use the Toneri Liner on a regular basis, or if you always look that constipated. In fact, I don't know anything about you and don't care to either. But PLEASE wear boxers, or boxer briefs, or Ts, or SOMETHING, ...ANYTHING, just in case I happen to bump into you again!

And although I'd love to finish this post, the degree of intoxication is too high to write anything coherent.

Will try to be more faithful with blogging, my dear blog-followers.

Cheers and enjoy the effng weekend!