As you can see, I have kidnapped Eiko's blog for the sole purpose of showering her with flattery and adulation on her 19th BIRTHDAY!!!
A love letter
My love, (Eiko)
You are to me what chicken is to a vegetarian. No wait! What VEGGIES are to a vegetarian. And you are arguably the ONLY ONE who smells good doused with cologne.
Your beauty astounds me! Every morning I see you and vow, "The man who claims your heart is the first man I shall circumcise and asphyxiate!" You are too good to be wasted on those fellows....wahahahhaha!!!
I am your biggest fan! I stalk you like a pervert stalks his ..... prey. But if I find another man stalking you...I shall circumcise and asphyxiate him(again).
Am I scaring you, my love?
Because I am scaring myself.
But that is the extent of my love for you!
We are jumping on the love trampoline together! And we never get tired. NEVER. And if you get tired, don't worry, I'll carry you.
Your love, forever and always.
--Boris
Happy Birthday!
Here are the pictures I took of you today.
They are hanging on the walls of my boudoir!
Here are the pictures I took of you today.
They are hanging on the walls of my boudoir!
4 comments:
Dear Eiko.
Happy Birthday. Having beat you turning 19 by 3 months (I did that on December first.) I have some good news for you. Now close your eyes and pick A, B, or C.
A. From the day after you turn 19, life's problems will be behind you forever. You'll have perfect Zen within and no more selfish desires. Magically, old blind women will appear on the sidewalks, and you will lead them selflessly and nobly across the road. You will probably die in an act of self sacrifice saving an octogenarian, but not before your twentieth birthday.
B. This year, the perfect boyfriend awaits you somewhere in mid-April. You'll meet him in the vegetable store near your house, where he'll be leaning over to examine a small cluster of cherry tomatoes. You must ask him if he likes tomatoes, or else this won't work. He'll reply that he does, and then you will kiss. And then you will slap him because he is into that.
Turns out he owns those horses near your house, and he takes you for a ride. (If you're lucky he'll let you ride his horses too.) He's uncurably romantic, and brings a color pencil carefully wrapped in a complementary colored ribbon for you on every date. When he brings you the orange one, though, it's a sign that there is another woman in his life. You should take this cue and start acting very whiny and needy. I don't think it'll actually help things, but it might give you something to do while he's breaking up with you. However, Saying things like "Men are the enemy" as your hourly mantra might just help.
C. You should have chosen A or B. This scenario involves a basket of assorted underwear and a strange purification ritual.
So see, I have nothing to give you as far as "nice words for the year ahead" goes. I will, however, say a thing or two about who you are now.
I have some fun memories of living with you here at TOM. We've seen each other at our worst and at our best. (Okay. Maybe I am yet to see you at your worst, but you've seen me there.) The heart sharings, all the back rubs you have yet to pay me for (your credit card is invalid, apparently. nice), pasta nights, Bible classes, word times, the times we'd sing together and I'd try to harmonize, watching Castaway, hanging out with all the other young people, or just us and Boris, or just us two... You really have become a friend.
Your artistic talent is amazing. You have an engaging personality, and I'm just glad you're never whiny or spoiled (ha ha ha...okay you are sometimes. That joke's over.)If you ever want me to give a speech at your wedding and say nice things about you in front of the guests, I'll be more than happy to. Say, is that a grey hair? Okay never mind. Seriously. Let me. I can even diss the bridesmades and make you look better!!
All this to say, I'm glad you're my friend.
Haha!
You're a good friend.
Truly!
xoxo
Eiko! You're so pretty! And I miss your cute bubbly self! Happy Birthday to youuuu!!
Thanks, Elena!
And KEN! I just finished reading your comment again this morning (slightly hung over, but definitely better than trying to read it when you're tipsy) and I COULDN'T STOP LAUGHING!
And BORIS!!
Dear, sweet, lil' sis, this post of yours is just....WOAH!! Like, I feel the LooooooooooooooooOOVE!
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