Ever since working the night shift at Kappa Zushi, I've been struggling with insomnia. Yeah, yeah, laugh and call me a fraud, but fraud or not, it's been a real pain these days, and I've been trying everything under the sun to set things right with my body clock.
*Took sleeping strips
*Tried exhausting myself with grueling work outs
*Drinking warm milk with honey
*Praying myself to sleep
*Listening to a Word Audio
*Reading till my eyes gave out
*Drawing till my eyes gave out
*Eating a night snack
*Drinking an alcoholic beverage or two
*Stopped drinking all caffeinated drinks
*Making it completely dark in the room
*Drinking sleepy herb teas
*and the list is endless
But the more I try to sleep, the more I'm faced with the impossibility of the whole thing, and then I get angry. Once I get to that stage, I'm basically hopeless. I'm so angry over the fact that I can't sleep that sleep is literally impossible!
So, why don't I just...stop trying to sleep and stay awake all night?
Well, I actually did do that.
I stopped thinking about sleep altogether, and just enjoyed the silent nights where no one is around, sometimes watching a movie, sometimes catching up on an XD assignment, sometimes blogging, sometimes writing a friend, sometimes staying up with a friend, etc. It's actually really relaxing and enjoyable, and you can get so much done becuase there's no one to disturb you and you aren't following a schedule.
But humans don't survive long without sleep, and after a week or two of almost zero sleep, I start shaking, my digestive system gets screwed up, my head starts hurting, my back starts aching, I start having black outs, and I feel like I'm 'losing it'.
Exhausted, I drop in bed at night, hurting everywhere, and begging God to grant me sweet sleep, but when sleep still doesn't touch me, I start getting desperate, and I go a bit crazy trying to find ways to force my body into sleep. But then the cycle continues...I get angry because nothing works, and the anger is so strong it keeps me awake.
Pretty hopeless, huh?
I've had the most success with the 2 tactics below
1. A hot bubble bath, soothing music, and alcohol
2. Skip the bath and music--drink alcohol
A few nights back, I had the opportunity to drink enough to make me happy, and that night, I slept 5 hours straight! It was the first time in weeks that I've slept that soundly and that long, and ever since then, I am able to sleep a little longer, and a little longer--3 hours, 4 hours, 5 hours. I still wake up at odd hours of the night, and once that happens, going back to sleep is a real hassle. But life is so much better when I'm well rested, and here's a huge thank you to all of you who prayed for me. It's been working.
Sleep has always been an issue for me, ever since I struggled with eating disorders. I had the messed up idea that sleep equaled gaining weight, and when you're depressed, (esp. when you're depressed in an anorexic sort of way) sleep is literally impossible. But compared to then, I'm living Heaven on Earth, and I've got it good.
It's also been a decent while since I've experienced sleep paralysis. Now, THAT is freaky, and if you've ever experienced sleep paralysis, you understand the fear of not being able to move, the feeling of suffocation, the crushing weight on your chest that increases as you struggle against it, the ringing noises and the inability to cry for help, not being able to find your voice, a sinister presence.
It's definitely spiritual, and I experienced sleep paralysis most when I was farther from the Lord than I should have been.
Anyways, all those of you who would argue that insomnia is all in the mind, well I won't argue with you on that one. In fact, I already made a decent statement about the topic in an earlier post on insomnia. I'm usually awake thinking about how I can't sleep and how miserable I am, and that hinders my sleep. Or sometimes I'm awake thinking about certain people, or situations that mean something to me. Or sometimes I miss someone, and thinking about it robs me of sleep. Sure, bad work hours affect you too, as well as it being too cold ( a biggie for me), it being too loud, etc. but I think insomnia is brought about by both physical and mental (or spiritual) things.
But whatever. Insomnia is such a boring, depressing topic, esp. since it's something I have to face on a nightly basis, so let's just stop here. I'll just try my best to do what the Lord told me to and trust Him more about things that worry me, relax more before going to bed, and spend more time with Him. He said it would work, so it oughta.
Prayers for this are most appreciated!
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